How Do Job Loss and Unemployment Challenge Your Emotional Intelligence? Part 1

by | Dec 10, 2010 | Advice, Job Seekers, Management | 0 comments

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Losing your job must be one of life’s more painful experiences.  Whether you are the subject of what HR specialists like to call a large scale reduction in force or you fall victim of cost containment or a reduction in funding, the dramatic, unchosen transition from being employed to unemployed is a terrible shock to the system.

The path leading to this outcome is similar for many.  It begins when you walk into work in the morning believing you have a predictable future.  You feel secure.  You have your daily routines and rituals.  You might even have plans for the holidays, and you most definitely have dreams for the future.  

Then, you get the dreaded call.  You are asked to leave your desk and accompany your manager or an HR person to where you are notified that today is your last day.  You are told what your severance package will look like and about what kind of transitional support your organization is willing to pay if any.  You hear the words, but you cannot really comprehend them.  You feel shell shocked as if the ground opened up beneath your feet, swallowed you up and spat you out like bits of debris.  You had heard rumors that something like this was in the wind, but you never for a moment believed you would be affected given all of the hours of work you logged, the dedication you showed and the positive reviews you received. 

You are in a state of disbelief.  And, when the penny drops and you realize this is for real, your emotions start to run riot.  On the surface, you hold yourself together.  You go through the motions of listening to what you are told, of being handed your bag and of being escorted off the premises. You hold on to your dignity.  If you shed a tear, you are politely offered a box of Kleenex and a bottle of water. You may not be able to clearly think.  You may feel physically sick.  Your emotions are swirling around at a thousand miles per hour. You experience every emotion from baffled to sad to resigned to devastated to furious.  And, you try your best to maintain your self control until you get home.

What just happened?

–       You lost a place to go where everything is familiar.

–       You lost an outlet for your skills and talents.

–       You lost a great part of your social life and a community where you spent much of your waking time.

–       You lost the structure underpinning your life.

–       And, perhaps most important of all, you lost your livelihood.

At this time of incredible vulnerability, people who experience a layoff react in remarkably different ways as they process this information.  Of course, each response depends on factors including: one’s stage of life; what kind of support – emotional, social and financial – exists for that person; what kinds of responsibilities one carries, and one’s typical response to high stress.

Some people in the worst of circumstances are still able to show empathy for others – even the people firing them. Others are panic stricken feeling the terror of the unknown and of not earning anything for the foreseeable future.  Some people are daunted by the prospect of launching a job search and feel a sense of shame or embarrassment at their situation despite the fact that so many people these days have experienced at least one layoff in their careers.  Others still have a remarkable capacity to distance themselves from the experience.  Some can distance themselves enough to see some dark humor in it or to draw on inner reserves of confidence that they have successfully landed in the past and will do so again.  And, for some, the news comes as a huge relief; at last, they are free to do what they have always wanted or, at the very least, they will no longer have to deal with the stresses and pressures of work they disliked.

We know from brain science that there are some conditions that can trigger a heightened emotional state including:

–       the loss of status (any job gives you a certain place in the world)

–       the loss of certainty (your work life has a pattern, a certain predictability)

–       the loss of autonomy (your ability to support yourself)

–       the loss of relatedness (you have people with whom you can talk)

–       the loss of fairness (the inequity of the layoff is often more galling than anything)

And, losing your job triggers all of the above.

Next week, we will look at strategies to fortify your emotional intelligence and increase your resiliency if you find yourself out of work.

Fredia Woolf, Founder of Woolf Consulting, blogs about career and workplace issues.  She provides Leadership coaching and Organizational “seasoning”, spicing up Productivity, Effectiveness, Performance, Personal Engagement, and Results (PEPPER), while enhancing Strategy, Alignment, Leadership, and Teamwork (SALT).  She can be contacted at fwoolf@woolfconsulting.com.

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