Giving, gathering and receiving feedback is on my mind this week as I have conducted thirty six interviews with managers, peers and direct reports of six of my executive coaching clients, five of whom are ending a six month program and one of whom is at the start of hers.  Indeed, feedback is on my mind! 

Feedback used to be a source of utter dread to me.  I hated hearing anyone tell me what he or she thought of me.  My natural reaction was to be defensive and feel criticized even when comments were largely constructive.  My tendency was to discount anything positive and focus on the negative. I took feedback very personally and licked my wounds if I received anything less than stellar reviews. 

As I have learned more about the value of feedback through my work, I realize that mine was a pretty typical reaction.  These days, I educate people in how to ask for, give and receive feedback.  When handled skillfully, it can be a powerful tool for forging workplace relationships, fostering personal and professional development, engaging managers and employees and encouraging greater organizational effectiveness.  By offering and receiving feedback in a spirit of openness, learning and genuine desire to be constructive, people can be empowered to make small changes that can be transformational on their careers, lives or workplace.

In my executive coaching role, my job is to ask questions that elicit observations, perceptions and recommendations about behaviors in the workplace.  I am usually impressed by the openness and candor of the responses to my questions.  At times, reassurance is needed about the confidentiality of responses, but most people tell me they would say to their colleagues exactly what they tell me.  When I explain that my process involves extracting general themes from specific stories and examples without identifying particular sources, people are happy to talk since it is somehow easier to express one’s opinions and offer constructive feedback through an objective intermediary rather than directly to someone.

The feedback interview follows a broad pattern.  Once I have explained the context of my call, I ask questions about working relationships and the challenges facing people in the environment in which they work.  By having them think about my client’s goals, challenges and constraints, most people are more prone to be empathetic than judgmental when giving their views.

I then ask for descriptions or anectdotes about interactions with my client. I ask for specific examples of the perceived greatest strengths and talents of my client.  When I ask, “What is this person known for?”, I never fail to be surprised by how much unanimity there usually is about a person’s “brand” whether it was built knowingly or not.  I then go on to ask for examples of where there is room for improvement.  Again, I more frequently find an emergence of common themes versus a wide divergence of opinions.

Where I do find the occasional  “blind spot” is in the gap between the individual’s self-perception and the perception of others.  Some people have good intentions but fail to see how certain actions and words impact others.  Others “manage” up (their boss), sideways (their peers) or down (their direct reports) in very different ways and to different degrees of success, but, on the whole, people usually “show up” as who they are, warts and all, and others pick up on inconsistencies they themselves may not even be aware of.

My final questions involve asking for constructive recommendations. The advice offered is usually both perceptive and practical.  Very rarely is it tinged with self interest or based on mean spiritedness.  Far more common is a sense of helpfulness and generosity with the best interests of both the individual and the organization in mind.

After I synthesize responses to extract the important themes, backed up by very specific examples, I have to find a way to deliver the feedback to my clients so that they really “hear” it without getting defensive or upset.  Effectively giving feedback requires a certain tact and diplomacy, but, more importantly, it needs a backdrop of trust and a culture encouraging learning and human development.  Without the skills, relationship and right environment, feedback can hurt feelings or bruise egos, and without being framed constructively, it can act as a tool for disempowerment and demotivation instead of as a powerful development tool.

I am not an advocate of sugar-coating feedback or of only focusing on strengths and positive comments.  It is not my role to feed self-esteem without basis nor should I serve the “praise sandwich” with a nasty bite hidden between two bits of so-called positive assessment.

For feedback to be truly helpful and impactful, it should be straightforward but not hurtfully blunt, authentic but not insensitive. It is best presented in an objective, fact-based, non-judgmental manner.  In my experience, when accompanied by a positive, solution-focused discussion, even the toughest feedback can be welcomed and be the source of strongly positive change and growth.

Fredia Woolf, founder of Woolf Consulting, blogs to help people improve their workplace effectiveness and optimize their careers.  As an organizational consultant and leadership coach, she works with clients to increase insight, inspiration and impact. She can be reached at fwoolf@woolfconsulting.com.

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Last updated on July 20th, 2010 at 05:36 pm