I am on vacation this week on Cape Cod.  It has been a very hot summer, and I was looking forward to a pleasant week of relaxation, enjoying the warm sun, long walks on the miles of golden beaches, biking along the sand dunes and indulging in fresh seafood and summer ice cream cones as I strolled around the harbor watching the boats bobbing gently in the cooling ocean breeze.  These images kept me going during the sweltering, pressure-filled weeks of deadlines and to-do lists running up to this vacation.

Now we are here, and the reality has not at all lived up to its billing.  We are in the third day of a nor’easter that has brought high winds and driving rain.  The cottage we rented has become claustrophobic.  We have ventured to the beach every day layered to the hilt with our inadequate summery clothes; the sea is grey and wild, and we come back drenched and shivering.  And, the forecast calls for the return to brilliant warmth and sunshine on the day we are leaving.

Now, isn’t this typical?

It strikes me that this experience is a metaphor for all of life’s expectations, and it is a good reminder for me to practice what I preach.  Instead of bemoaning my fate and the miserable weather, I choose to look at the situation through a different lens.  Instead of feeling like a persecuted victim of circumstances and of the rain gods, I am determined to stay appreciative and to enjoy the unexpected, unintended pleasures of a series of wet days.  Recognizing that I am just not going to get that easy feeling of wellbeing that lovely, warm days bring, I have to put my expectations aside and work a little harder to get the dopamine and other “happiness hormones” into my brain.

Instead, think of all the wonderful compensations!  My beach walks are bracing and, coming back with red cheeks and soaked clothes, I’ll remember them forever. I spare the world the uncomfortable view of my lumps and bumps in a swimsuit and spare my skin from nasty solar radiation. I can go to matinees at the local movie theater and watch escapist movies.  I can complete a jigsaw puzzle.  I can read to my heart’s content.  I can produce this blog on time.  I can try out new recipes.  I can spend time with my significant other without any pressure to do anything.  I can laze around and not feel guilty.  And on and on.  I’ve convinced myself.  From now on, my vacations will be in November!

So, what does this have to do with you as you run your organization or search for your next job?

Everything.

What this blog is actually about is Managing Your Expectations and Reframing – the famous mindshift technique that helps the Danes — who have the worst weather in the world — constantly score at the top of the happiness league tables.

Here are some questions to consider if you want to master the technique:

What is it you expect from your colleagues? Bosses? Family? Job search?  Organization? Self?

How do you react when those expectations are not met?  Are you angry? Frustrated? Resentful? Do you feel you have been persecuted? Victimized? Unfairly treated?

Well, think again.  Take a good hard look at those expectations, and remind yourself that they are simply a story you told yourself. Also, remind yourself that you are quite capable of telling yourself a different story more closely aligned with reality.

Voila!  You have just learned the secret of happiness.  Shift those mind-limiting, closing-down expectations. Open yourself to reinterpreting what is actually going on, and the world becomes a different place.  Suddenly, you see things differently, you experience them differently, you react differently. And then, your luck seems to change.

Try it out, and let me know how you do.

Fredia Woolf, founder of Woolf Consulting, blogs to help people improve their workplace effectiveness and optimize their careers.  As an organizational consultant and leadership coach, she works with clients to increase insight, inspiration and impact. She can be reached at fwoolf@woolfconsulting.com.

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Last updated on September 20th, 2010 at 05:28 pm