I have had the happy fortune in the last few weeks to attend talks by two of the leading “Happiness Gurus”, Doctor Barbara Fredrickson at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and Doctor Tal Ben-Shahar, who has taught one of the most popular classes at Harvard.  With all the misery in the world, I thought it might be a good idea to share their thoughts.

Both speak convincingly about how positive emotions can contribute to solving problems and how there are practices we can all adapt to help us develop a mindset of gratitude, serenity, inspiration and deep-in-the-bones well being.

Dr. Fredrickson’s research shows that positivity can change the boundaries of our awareness. When we look at things from a glass-half-full perspective, there are benefits. We actually perceive more, we have a better memory for details and we can see more possibilities. Further, we are more creative, more resilient, more trusting and more capable of making medical decisions, negotiating and performing well at any task.  In short, positivity can transform us.

So, how do we find this holy grail?

Dr. Fredrickson contends that it is a question of increasing our daily diet of positive emotions.  If it takes three months to learn a new habit, we should consciously focus our attention every day for ninety days on letting go some of the nastiness, self-criticism, judgment of others and hostile emotions that can swirl around inside of us and replace them with calm, more positive thoughts.  Much like we have to embark on a program of better diet and exercise if we want to lose weight and become healthier, she counsels us to have frequent nibbles of mild positive emotions throughout the day rather than strive for a big blow-out of euphoria. She further directs us to repeat these experiences until they become second nature.  She has found meditation, which is one good way to stimulate these experiences, has physiological effects on the nervous system which kicks off the self-reinforcing cycle of positivity.

Mindful of accusations of naivety or over-simplification of the human condition, Dr. Fredrickson does not deny the necessity of negative emotions. But, she has shown that the ratio of negative to positive emotions is about 1 to 3 if we want to navigate effectively through life.  So, if you find yourself feeling frustrated or angry, you need to compensate by having three positive emotions to avoid each bad feeling dragging you down.

She is also skeptical of the smiley face invocation to “Just Be Happy” as it leads, in her words, to “toxic insincerity”.  Far better, Dr. Fredrickson believes, to follow the following prescriptions to create a mindset of positivity:

–       Be open

–       Be appreciative

–       Be curious

–       Be kind

–       Be real

Dr. Ben-Tahal’s advice runs along similar lines.  He asserts that Positive Psychology is different from the Self-help movement because it is based in sound empirical research. He says that, in essence, what it does is simply to focus our attention on What Works rather than digging into understanding problems and then seeking to fix those problems.

The trick to getting ourselves and others to focus on strengths and on what is going well is knowing how to ask the right questions.  So, if you are in a job search, instead of berating yourself with the question, “Why haven’t I yet found a job? What’s wrong with me?” you would instead ask, “How did Joe find his new position? What can I learn from him?” or “What could I do differently that will help me get a better result?”  Not only do the questions create your reality, but those small but subtle shifts can also result in a different, more productive, mindset which can have a significant impact on outcomes.

In addition to the power of asking the right questions, Dr. Ben-Tahal recommends a few exercises which have been shown effective in enhancing people’s sense of happiness:

1)    Write a Gratitude Journal.  Dr. Ben-Tahal says he has written down five things for which he is grateful each day for more than a decade, and now his bedtime ritual with his young children is to ask them what fun they had each day.

2)    Tell your partner/spouse/colleagues/reports what you appreciate about them on a weekly basis.  If you are looking to enhance your relationships with others, this is sure to succeed as long as you are genuine.

3)    Forget stressing about needing more self-discipline; focus instead on building more rituals into your life.  This is similar to Dr. Fredrickson’s suggestion of making positivity a new habit.

4)    When you are feeling stressed, take micro-breaks (deep breaths, a quick daydream away from your desk), mezzo-breaks (regular exercise and a good night’s sleep) and macro-breaks (serious time out from the 24/7 demands).  He reminds us that it is no accident that “creation” and “recreation” are almost the same word.

5)    And, finally, he urges us to eliminate, or at least reduce, multi-tasking which has not only been shown to reduce our IQ by about 10 points, but it also reduces our overall capacity for happiness.

Fredia Woolf , founder of Woolf Consulting, blogs to help people improve their workplace effectiveness and optimize their careers.  As an organizational consultant and leadership coach, she works with clients to increase insight, inspiration and impact. She can be reached at fwoolf@woolfconsulting.com.

#

Last updated on September 1st, 2018 at 07:43 pm