It’s the interview prompt that can send a quick chill down your spine: “Describe a conflict you encountered with a coworker, and explain how that turned out.” And, when in a position where you want to demonstrate you are the ideal candidate with whom everyone can get along and no one can live without, the last thing you want to do is talk about a situation you wish had never happened. But, the fact remains that conflict at work exists. You know it. I know it. The hiring manager sitting across from you knows it. What’s more important than owning your involvement in a workplace conflict is describing what you did about it. In his article, “3 Ways You’re Messing Up the Answer to, ‘Tell Me About a Conflict You’ve Faced at Work’,” Richard Moy outlines three, proactive approaches to warding off an inadequate response to this question:

Focus On the Resolve. Keep in mind that, to an interviewer, what started the problem isn’t nearly as important as your participation in resolving the matter. Make sure your actual agenda is not to have your interviewer agree with how wronged you were. Set the tangled emotions aside, and talk about how, even in the middle of a situation that personally bothered you, you could step back and see the real matter at hand. Discuss your steps for working toward resolution. Identify your goal for resolution and what you did to move forward.

Just Answer the Question. Let’s pretend for a moment that you are in the position to respond to the conflict prompt but you have absolutely no example of such a situation. First, most hiring managers are going to find that difficult to believe. Second, it does you no favors to evade the question as it is actually a perfect opportunity to demonstrate your critical thinking skills as well as give insight into the way you interact with, relate to and value the opinion of others. Portraying yourself as one who never engages in any kind of conflict does not allow you to speak to your own depth. Come to the interview prepared to address this situation, and let it highlight your problem-solving strengths.

Stay Positive. No one wants to describe a situation that might shine a light on a low moment. No one is comfortable with that, but that doesn’t give anyone the right to make the interviewer uncomfortable for having asked. The point of the prompt is to assess how you handle difficult situations. So, stay focused on what was positive about the encounter and its resolution. Moy specifically notes to make sure you communicate what you learned from the situation. Constructive reflection of a conflict speaks highly of your own ability to learn and grow.

The whole reason the general “Can’t we all just get along?” question exists is because, no, we cannot. In every stage of life and in every setting, there is potential for heads butting. When different people and their different personalities and ways to approach situations come together, there is bound to be a clash or two. Accept that this is normal, and communicate during an interview the positive approach you enlisted to resolve it. Your ability to be constructive in a difficult situation might be just the characteristic that sets you apart from other candidates!

Moy, Richard. “3 Ways You’re Messing Up the Answer to, “Tell Me About a Conflict You’ve Faced at Work.” The Muse. Daily Muse, Inc. 2016. Web. (23 July 2016)

Nancy Stoker is a Senior Client Services Representative and Research Associate with ExecSearches.com. ExecSearches provides various recruitment and executive search services for nonprofits including its nonprofit job board.