Where were you when you first heard your parents were 40 years old? (Indeed, this moment is burned in our memories with many other “Where were you when’s …”) I was in our family’s garage with my friend Lisa swapping what felt forbidden information about our parents’ ages, and I remember both of us gasping when we shared that our parents were 40. Gulp!
Remember when you thought 40 was old? HA!
No one could have convinced those naïve children in that garage that there are a lot of years following 40. In fact, we were so certain that 40 was so old that we assumed everything in life was set by that point. Everything. No worries. No surprises. No changes. The adults had it made!
It makes your brain swirl a little to recall your misconception of 40, doesn’t it? Finding yourself in the middle of a career change at 40 is enough to turn that spin into utter turmoil.
I have spent the last three years watching, up close and personal, the career change of my friend Melanie. While the decision to change was an intentional, calculated choice, it being so made it no less a challenge on a whole host of levels.
Once Melanie made her decision and determined the end goal, she started at the beginning. She outlined the necessary steps, established a timeline, identified priorities and followed a plan. Her plan encompassed everything we know about looking for a new job: paperwork preparations; education/further training; solidifying support systems; networking; interviewing, and negotiating. Oh, and juggle her already-established life.
The most difficult aspect of her process from where I sat, and permeating every step along the way, was the very evident emotional fortitude required to go through the process and end up on the other end ready to take on the fruits of her labor.
Step one of Melanie’s plan was, decidedly, further education. Already accomplished with advanced degrees and years of work experience, Melanie took what felt like a giant step backward enrolling in courses where her classmates were 20 years her junior. Their lack of life experience was clear in their wide eyes and in their unsophisticated responses in class, and while we’ve all been there (oblivious to how unsophisticated we were because, conversely, we knew everything we said then was awesome), it’s very difficult to go back and be a part of it.
Accommodating additional education or training at this point in life is nothing if not disruptive to the established, daily routine of you and your family as well as to the mental image of where you thought you’d be at this point. Emotionally, you can take a hit. Integrating a new, very demanding schedule on top of existing responsibilities (not instead of: on top of) is no small task. It is during this time you must decide that the end goal is worth the perseverance required. And, Melanie pressed on.
Of course, during the pursuit, there are questions that must be faced and “put in their place”, not the least of which concerns the ultimate question: “After going through all of this, will I even have a job?” Melanie’s method to address this question was, basically, to make it a non-issue until it had to be addressed. She decided early on that dwelling on this concern was predictably destructive mentally and emotionally; there was no use in sabotaging her own efforts for something over which she had no current control. She would address the job search when it was time. Period.
So, for two solid years, Melanie required herself to keep focus — a difficult task during a pursuit that felt painful in its pace. Focus was a roller coaster effort for sure as she started each semester with a certain amount of renewed energy and ended each a little bleary eyed and somewhat haggard from incorporating a whole endeavor into her already full life.
And, if those first two years weren’t enough, it was during the third that another, entire process was integrated: the job search. In addition to all required details of a search, Melanie had the added stressor/fear/annoyance of knowing that regardless of all accomplishments and all abilities to date, she had no other choice but to network and market herself. Again. And, again. Unlike the apprehension we all have during our first job pursuits, Melanie’s was almost mentally unbearable at times because she’s already been-there-done-that-and-done-it-well! What a humbling feeling to know her fate was in the hands of someone who had to make a judgment of what felt like her entire professional worth in what felt like way too short of a time to do so. But, it had to be done, and digging deep to find the inner strength to be professional and endure it was simply required.
It is with relief on her behalf that I report Melanie starts her new job next week, and, by my observation, she is no worse for the wear. In fact, I’d say she’s better for it. After all, what’s more fulfilling than setting a goal, doing the work and achieving it? And, doing so at an age we once thought was oh-so-old? Or, at an age that currently scares us because we think we’re too old to change or to be considered?
While there are a number of practical, measurable action items to which you must attend during a job search or other big career move, I suggest giving the emotional side of such a pursuit careful attention and acknowledgement along the way.
And, tell those kids in the garage they have no idea what they’re gasping about.
There are so many factors to consider and manage when choosing or required to change jobs; is there a particular area of concern for you? Tell us about it here, or head over to our Facebook page and let us know the topic of most concern to you!
Nancy Stoker is a Senior Client Services Representative and Research Associate with ExecSearches.com. She can be reached at nancys@execsearches.com.
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Last updated on September 18th, 2012 at 05:11 pm
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